


Personal Conversations

by Tennyo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, No Resolution, POV Charlie, Post mid-season 10 mini-hellatus, Speculative fiction, Talk about Sexuality, approximately episode 10.18, discussion of past prostitution and possible rape, third-party confession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 01:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3469517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tennyo/pseuds/Tennyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie comes back to the bunker, and after noticing the palpable tension between Dean and Castiel, who seem to be avoiding each other, she decides to have a sit-down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Personal Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> In which I ended up writing an episode-ish type of drabble, where we get third-party confessions, but no real resolution.  
> Thanks to filleretive, over at Tumblr, for putting this particular plotbunny into action. this one is for you.  
> View the speculation that spawned this [here](http://kaeostennyo.tumblr.com/post/112083803010/sandraugiga-filleretive-dubiousculturalartifact):  
> And just to let you know, the talk about past prostitution is very vague, and the rape is only hinted at.

Dean and Sam arrive in the bunker from their most recent hunt and get a message from Charlie that she’s heading back with the book she went to Tuscany to get. Dean grumbles something about another dead-end as he stomps off to his room. Sam sighs, and calls Cas.

The day before Charlie’s arrival, Cas shows up at the bunker, looking more worn than when he had left. Sam remembers this progression from over the summer, when they had been looking for Dean. He’s glad Cas has agreed to spend more time in the bunker this time around, even though the atmosphere between the weakened angel and Dean has been strained.

Dean refuses to even talk about it, and Cas has only mentioned a promise that he made Dean about dealing with him if he gets out of control. Whatever is going on between the two, it’s painful to watch them dance around each other, avoiding gazes and conversations. Of course, the relationship between Sam and Dean has been strained as well, due to whatever happened between Dean and Cain in that barn. Sam knows good and well that Cain killed his brother, and Dean is afraid of becoming that.

With the arrival of Charlie, the atmosphere doesn’t really shift, even though her excitement about meeting Castiel encourages Dean to speak a bit more freely about the events of the past year. Sam watches as Charlie has to make time to speak with Castiel when Dean isn’t in the room, regardless of her attempts to get them to hang out together. One or the other always has an excuse.

***

Charlie is sitting with Dean in the library, going over a text for clues. Sam has gone to the store for supplies, and Castiel is hiding somewhere in the depths of the bunker. She would have to be blind to notice the tension between hunter and angel, but she just gets lame excuses whenever they find themselves in each other’s presence. Even Sam has been reluctant to discuss whatever is going on, by saying it’s not his story to tell.

Ugh, men.

She’s regaling Dean with tales of Italian ladies, when he turns to her and asks, “Can I ask you something personal?”

 _Finally_ , she thinks, as she turns to Dean who is wearing a troubled expression.

"Sure, what's up?"

"So... umm… When did you know you were… You know."

"Know I was what?"

"That… you liked girls."

Oh, so it’s _that_ kind of discussion.

"Always," she answers,  keeping the tone light.

"You never thought that guys…"

"Nope."

"Oh." His brow creases before the next question leaves his lips. "Why?"

Charlie has endured this kind of questioning before, but she vows to be extra patient with Dean, because he’s just trying to understand. "Umm…" she shrugs, "Just never floated my boat. Why?"

He can’t look at her, and stares at his beer bottle, tracing patterns in the condensation with his thumb. With a feeling that she knows where this is going, Charlie tries prompting.

"Dean? I have read the books, remember?"

He looks away, head ducked. "Yeah and?"

"Well, while there wasn't anything concrete, the subtext…"

"Charlie, I swear if you say something about my brother and me, I’m gonna…"

"Chill dude, I don’t ship that. No, I’m talking about some hints from your past."

Dean’s head ducks further. "Im not drunk enough for this."

They make their way back to Dean’s room with a bottle of Bourbon. Later, they’re propped up against the side of the bed in the floor, the mostly empty bottle between them. Dean, in a roundabout way, tells Charlie about how he helped pay for food when he was too young to hustle pool. She thinks she gets the gist. Basically, Dean used his youth and pretty face to his advantage.

“Did you ever…” She makes a vague motion.

“Nope. I don't think they could have paid me enough to go that far, but I spent a lot of time on my knees in bathroom stalls and alleys.” Dean frowns, and shifts his legs. “As soon as I was old enough, I got off my damn knees and hustled with a pool stick instead.”

Charlie reaches out and places a sympathetic hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Im so sorry, Dean.”

“Nah, fuck it. ‘S the past.”

It’s Charlie’s turn to shift uncomfortably. “And what about... the panties?”

“Shit, he wrote that too? Fucking Chuck.” Dean slams his head back against the mattress.

Now it’s time to get to the heart of the matter. “But seriously, Dean. Why’d you bring all this up?”

“When I was… in Hell, some bad shit happened.”

“Yeah, Dean, it was Hell.” She has an idea, considering the topic of conversation, just what that might have been.

He curls up on himself, and stares down at his hands. “And then, when I was all, ya know, black-eyes, I did some shit.”

Charlie nods and waits for him to continue.

“I can argue it wasn't me, but it kinda really was. I still got to decide how I killed, and usually who I killed. Mostly demons. A real dickbag or two. But… umm… it wasn't all killing.”

“Yeah?”

“There was this one thing… With triplets.”

“Wow, Dean, that sounds real evil there,” she says with a note of sarcasm.

“With Crowley,” he mumbles.

 _Eww_. “I really didn’t need that visual, Dean.”

“And… they… They weren’t women.”

Oh, _OHHHHH_ …

This is where she has to be careful. “So… did you enjoy it?”

Dean lets out a huff, “God, Charlie, it was weird, but as a demon it was fuckin’ hot. Now, it makes me queasy to think about.”

“And you asked me what turned me gay because…?”

“Because I’m afraid I'll turn into one.”

Un-frakking-believable. She pushes his shoulder and he almost falls over. “You don't just TURN gay, Dean. You still like women?”

“Well, yeah.”

“And have you found any _men_ attractive lately?”

“…” He wipes his mouth, eyes shifting.

Here we go. “Dean?”

“Well…”

Almost there. “Yeah?”

“There was this one guy, with the medical examiner’s office at a crime scene a while back.”

“Oh?” Now we’re getting somewhere.

“Yeah, I kinda might have checked him out.”

“Anyone else?”

Dean shifts, and Charlie keeps pressing. “What about a certain blue-eyed…”

“NO.” His jaw tightens, and his expression becomes cloudy.

“No?”

“Dont go there, Charlie.”

And she was so close. “Why?”

“Because.”

“That’s not a good excuse, Dean.” Charlie glares a hole at the side of his head as he avoids eye contact.

“I don’t... He… is he even a _he_ , Charlie?”

“Does that matter?”

Dean begins gesticulating as he counts off points, “His true form is the size of the Chrysler building, he’s not really human, that’s just a borrowed meatsuit. Shit. Jimmy was married with a kid. I shouldn’t… A kid who hates me by the way.”

He lets out a slow sigh and closes his eyes. “And when he was human, I just wanted him to stay. But I couldn’t because I'm an idiot who wanted Sam to be okay…” His voice breaks.

Charlie wraps Dean in her arms and rocks from side to side, and he slumps down against her, as he continues. “It’s all so fucked up. Cas is dying, I'm gonna turn into a demon again. Sammy… he didn’t deserve this, I dragged him back into this life.” There’s a pause, but Charlie waits because she doesn’t think he’s finished yet. “I’m tired, Charlie.”

“I know. But we’re not ready to give up on you yet. None of us are,” she breathes into his hair.

“I’m gonna get you killed,” he says softly.

“Where’s this coming from?”

“I get everyone killed.”

Charlie pushes him back so he’s sitting up straight, “I swear, Dean Winchester, Im going to smack you so hard your head spins around.”

She’s had enough of this pity-party, and it’s time for her to do for him what he did for her. “You are a good man who deserves good things. Now. I believe you’ve had enough maudlin sauce, so go and lay down, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

Charlie grabs the bottle of bourbon, and screws the lid back on. She puts Dean to bed, and slips out of the room. As she softly closes the door behind her, Castiel is standing in the hall. His face shifts, just for a split second, showing a kind of hurt disappointment before going neutral. He won’t look her in the eye, either.

Now this one, shouldn’t be as tough a nut to crack, Charlie thinks. “Just the person I wanted to see.” Before Castiel can speak, she grabs him by the wrist and drags him down the hall to the library.

“So,” she starts, pushing him into a chair.

“Yes?”

“What’s the sitch with the body?” Charlie throws herself into the chair closest to him.

Castiel frowns, “Excuse me?”

“Who you’re wearing. He’s not still around, right?”

“I…” Castiel blinks at her a moment, “Yes. It’s actually a rather odd situation, because normally angels can’t inhabit a vessel without permission.”

“So how do you do it?”

“What do you mean?”

“How do you stay in Mr. Insurance Salesman?”

“Jimmy didn’t sell insurance…”

Charlie gives him a pointed look. She’s not used to the fact that he kind of takes things literally.

“I’m... actually not sure.”

“What do you mean?”

Castiel looks down at himself, and starts picking at a sleeve. “This body… For some reason, I keep getting resurrected in it. Even well after Jimmy Novak departed it. It feels more like my own body than a vessel, especially after becoming human.

“That must have been a trip.”

“I…” He makes a face as he analyzes the meaning of the phrase. “Yes, I suppose you could say that.”

Charlie leans toward him with a companionable air. “So they tell me you’re on borrowed time now.”

Castiel nods, “You’ve astutely… hit the nail on the head as it were.”

“How long do you have?” She presses, because she has a feeling this is at the heart of the matter.

His face closes off, “Long enough.”

With a sigh and rolling her eyes, Charlie says, “Look, I know you don’t know me, but I have a best friend in there who feels like shit, so I need you to be straight up with me.”

This makes Castiel pause, “Depending on how much grace I might expend for anything other than daily living, perhaps only a couple months.”

Oh. That’s not so good. “So you really are dying? You can’t just, I don’t know, fall?”

Castiel hangs his head.

Charlie can’t help herself when the next question burbles out, “Where do angels go when they die?”

“As far as we know, we simply cease to exist.”

Well, she had to go stick her foot in her mouth, didn’t she? “Shit, for real?”

He nods.

“So why the hell are you pining for Dean from practically a mile away?” she says, incredulously.

This startles him, “What? I’m not…”

“Dude, I can read you. I can see the way you look at him when you think he’s not looking.”

Castiel shifts, uncomfortable with the topic. “I can feel it, Charlie.”

Here we go. “Feel what?”

“The mark.” Castiel frowns, “The evil inside, trying to take him over. And… He made me promise.”

“Promise what?”

“That if he got out of control… I… I would…” Castiel stares down at his hands.

“Oh, Cas.” Shit, these two are complete morons.

“So… I have trouble looking at him, let alone coming in contact with him. And besides, he doesn’t feel for me the same way.”

“How do you know?” Maybe here, she can make some headway.

“He enjoys women.”

Here we go. “Yeah, so?”

“He has made it quite clear, on numerous occasions, that he doesn't ‘swing that way’.” He uses finger quotes.

“Castiel.” Charlie has to resist the urge to physically facepalm.

“What?”

“I swear, you are both blind.”

He looks at her, confused.

“I can see it, Sam can see it.” Charlie turns in her chair to face him straight on. “Do you love Dean?”

“I… yes.” Castiel nods.

“Like, in-love kind of love?”

He turns away and nods again.

“And how do you think Dean feels about you?”

He shrugs, “I used to think we were friends. At one time I had hopes for more, I thought I had felt… _something_ from him… But then after I became a human, everything was so confusing.”

Charlie nods and waits for him to continue.

“When I acquired Theo’s grace, Dean was so distraught about Kevin, and concerned for Sam, it made me realize that even if I might be considered a friend to Dean, I am not worth anything if I cannot be used as a tool.” He slumps his shoulders, and hides his face.

It’s so different from the angel she’d read about, it makes her want to cry. Just what the hell did Dean say to Castiel to make him feel this way? “Castiel,” she starts, but is interrupted.

“No, he doesn’t care for me or want me the way I… So I keep my distance, and speak mainly with Sam. Because I can’t bear to watch Dean… become that thing that I restrained so many months ago, that demon that almost killed his own brother.”

This conversation is painful, and clearly pointless. They are both so freaking hard-headed. Charlie stays with Castiel for a while, hoping to comfort him. When the silence becomes too much, she excuses herself and goes to her room.

*****

The next morning, Charlie wakes up early enough to catch Sam making coffee, hair damp with sweat, wearing jogging shorts and a tank top from his morning run.

“Hi,” Charlie says, as she gets a mug.

“Hey.”

She stirs milk into her coffee, and side-eyes Sam. “So.”

“Yeah?” Sam sits across from her with a full mug in his hands.

“Dean and Cas.”

“What about them?” he dodges.

“How do you put up with it?”

Sam frowns , then glances around to make sure they’re alone. “What do you mean?”

“Cas obvs loves Dean,” she says, before taking a sip of coffee.

“Yeah.”

If there’s anyone who can commiserate with her, it’s gotta be Sam. “And Dean?”

Sam lowers his head. “That’s complicated.”

“But he does... feel something, for Cas?”

This finally breaks Sam’s reticence. “Ugh, You should have seen Dean after he thought Cas was lost in Purgatory. After the first time you met us?”

“Wait, that lying turdnugget!” Charlie slams her mug down.

“What?”

“Dean said something that sounded very break-up-ish, back during the Moondor thing? He totally lied to me! He was talking about letting go of Cas!”

“Uh, wow.” Sam holds his hands up, “I don’t think he thought of it that way though, Charlie. Besides, Cas had been acting strange at the time, so…”

Charlie’s thoughts race, a new slant coming to their previous conversations. “Wait, what about when I first came to the bunker?”

Sam gnaws his bottom lip, “Yeah, that… Cas had been under some kind of mind control, and since I was going through the trials… I didn’t really push. But not long after you left, Cas turned up again.”

“And?” Charlie leans forward.

“A lot more crap, and Dean buried everything down deep. You know the rest.”

“Mostly.” She leans back in her seat, a little disappointed. “So what are we going to do?”

With a shrug, Sam lifts his coffee mug again. “Leave them be, I guess. I dont know if it’s such a good idea to get involved right now, anyway, since the both of them…” His face falls, and Charlie knows where his thoughts are going.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re going to find a way out of this, for both of them.”

“I hope so, Charlie.”

**Author's Note:**

> Now that I've finally watched the episode, I'm kinda glad it deviated from expectations.   
> Cas got his grace back! YAY  
> And that GLORIOUS pizza party!


End file.
